1. Q: Where did the name "Sonuvabish"
come from?
A: It was an affectionate greeting
my grandfather used to say whenever I came into the room. At least,
I think that's what he was saying.
2. Q: Where are your headquarters located?
A: Too
darned close to my hindquarters most of the time.
3.
Q: Where can I find a retail outlet that sells fine Sonuvabish products like
T-shirts and ball caps and beer coolers?
A: In your dreams and
mine, my friend.
4.
Q: How can you make a living that way?
A: Volume.
5.
Q: Are you just plum loco?
A: No, I am also casaba
and watermelon loco.
6.
Q: What's the most frequntly asked question you
get?
A: That one.
7.
Q: Are we there yet?
A: No, come to
think of it, that one.
And no.
8.
Q: I thought from the name Sonuvabish that I'd see
a lot more curse words on the site. Do you plan to add some?
A:
Hell, no. Cussin' don't do no damn good.
9. Q:
These internet dealies usually have a bunch of naked girlies.
A:
No question.
10.
Q: Are you a dog person or a cat person?
A: Most
of the dogs and cats I've met seem to think I'm more
of a monkey person.
11.
Q: Are we there yet?
A: No!
13.
Q: Isn't this supposed to be question 12?
A:
Yes. See question 20.
14.
Q: What's your sign?
A: Like most Geminis, I
don't believe in astrology.
15.
Q: Who put the bop in the bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop?
Who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong?
A: I confess, I did
it. But I was really drunk that night. I regret it, I sincerely apologize, and
I will gladly rectify the situation should I ever suffer the
misfortune of sobering up.
16.
Q: What's your least requested song?
A: Hmm.
So many
to choose from. Probably "The Musher's Song." For lyrics,
click here.
17.
Q: Do you think you'll ever be as big as Elvis?
A:
I don't have his predeliction for banana-and-peanut-butter sandwiches,
but I do like pork green chili and ice cream (sequentially more
than simultaneously). I suppose I could end up gaining a lot of
weight, but I think I would need prescription drugs to really give
the King a run for the money.
18.
Q: With all your many endeavors, when do you find
time for a personal life?
A: 3:00 to 3:15 a.m. Tuesdays. Call
me!
19.
Q: Do you have any pet peeves?
A: I used to have
a couple of peeves I kept as pets--Popocatapetl and Izzy were their
names--but not only was the upkeep pretty steep (Peeve Chow being
what it is these days), it began to just seem wrong to keep them
confined. So a few years ago I brought them to the National Bison
Reserve in South Dakota and set them free, so they can frolic where the deer and the
antelope play.
20.
Q: Isn't this supposed to be Question 12?
A:
No. To reach question 12, click here.
21.
Q: What is this, some kind of a joke?
A: Hmm.
22.
Q: What does a parrot have to
do with it?
A: Nothing.
The parrot business doesn't start until the next question.
23.
Q: Have you heard the one about the parrot, the pirate, and the
priest?
A: No. How does
it go?
24.
Q: How should I know? You're writing this.
A:
No, I didn't write this one. It was donated. But I did write question
22, thinking it might turn out to be either question 12 or question
20.
25.
Q: Were you born funny?
A: My mother said I was
born a month late and came out neck first. That seems sort of funny
to me, but she didn't seem to think so. She steadfastly refused to
give birth to me after that.
26.
Q: You obviously do a lot of traveling. How did
you end up here?
A: I told you, we're not there yet.
27.
Q: You seem to spend quite a bit of time by yourself.
Do you ever get lonely?
A: Not really--Who are you trying to
kid?--I mean, sure, sometimes--Yeah, like that time in Montana--I
thought we weren't going to get into that--You're allergic to wool,
remember--I don't want to talk about it--You were the one who
brought it up--Don't get snippy with me--Me?!? All I said was--Listen,
if you two can't quit your bickering--Who invited him?--He's your
friend--Mine? I don't even like the sonuva--Well, that's just fine. Maybe you'd just like to
move out--What,
and leave all this to you? Not a chance--You guys are making fools
of yourselves--Just one time I'd like to get that guy alone in a
dark alley--Shhh. Did you hear that?--Hear what?--It sounded like
someone snickering--I didn't hear anything--I could have sworn I heard something--You don't suppose somebody's still
reading this?--Who'd be crazy enough to--Don't look now, guys, but
you've got company--He's right, we're not alone!--Get away from
me!--Just act normal-- -- -- --I'm sorry, what was the question?
28.
Q: If you can't remember the question, how am I
supposed to remember the question?
A: Have you ever played The
Question Game?
29.
Q: How does it go?
A: Do you really want me to
tell you?
30.
Q: Do I have a choice?
A: Do you mean metaphysically?
31.
Q: Are you purposely trying to confuse me?
A:
Do you want me to stop?
32.
Q: Have you ever done one of these FAQ sheets before?
A:
What do you think?
33.
Q: Are we there yet?
A: Don't make me come back
there!
12.
Q: What's Question 12 doing way down here?
A: Question 13, as I may have
already
mentioned, was supposed to be question 12. Unfortunately, I just
couldn't find a way to make that work. And I really did have high hopes for question
20 being question 12, but then you started to seem impatient with
me, so I panicked and just wrote the first thing that came into
my head. And then I got distracted by that stupid parrot in question
23. But at least I got question 12 in here, so we're back on track.
38.
Q: Do have any idea what you're doing with this thing?
A:
Obviously, I'm not completely sure. Some of these hyperlink
things
can be pretty tricky. In fact, the one at the end of this answer
may have some bugs in it still. So you really shouldn't click
here.
39.
Q: Why didn't you warn me about that?
A:
I think I did, actually.
40.
Q: Do you ever get tired of answering stupid, ninnyhammer
questions?
A: Yes. Click
here.
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